Mankind

I started attending a men’s group several years ago when my anger got the best of me during a racquetball match with a good friend. He was part of a men’s group that had one simple goal, “to become better civic members”, simply to improve yourself and how you interact with society. I was screaming at my kid’s soccer coach and headbutting a ticket scalpers at a UGA football game – I was constantly loosing my temper and I would take it out on innocent, and as far as the scalper goes, sometime guilty people, but the worst was taking it out on my small children.

At the time, I was working a full time job as coatings salesman in three states and building a fairly robust contracting business on the side. I worked constantly and when I wasn’t working I was thinking about working or on the phone trying to be present, but not really being anywhere. Once I realized that my emotions, especially anger, were taking over on a regular basis, I threw everything at the problem – phycologist, psychiatrist and The Mankind Project, also known as Athens Men’s Circle. Eight years later, the men’s circle is still with me and has been the most effective and life giving force that I can imagine.

I tried some different medications during this period and they numbed the world a bit, but they also numbed my male genitalia from being able to complete the sex act – he would come to attention, but then just keep marching until my wife and I lay sweating in the middle of the bed without a climax to the story. I was also seeing a therapist at the time and after several months of talking to him – him simply suggested exercise over SSRI medication – he explained how one half-hour workout can create as much serotonin as the SSRI (serotonin uptake inhibitor) could keep your brain from absorbing and without the side effects. Without the medicine, the sex went back to a joyous five minute climax, which both my wife and I prefer.

The logjam broke when I did introspective work on myself within the safe container of my local men’s group which is associated with a international organization, called the Mankind Project. I was able to address my inner demons, or as the project addresses them, shadows. I was also medicating my anxiety with Marijuana – I had completely quit alcohol based on my body rejecting it, but had held onto weed as an escape mechanism. The escape worked, but the fall back to reality was brutal. Weed released dopamine in my brain, but the following day after weed usage my entire body and mind felt extra sensitive and quite unhappy – the down was violent compared to the mild up, or high. It was hard to connect to this realization, but it was also obvious to all those close to me. The world being made by God and the God living within the temple of my body rejected both alcohol and drugs and the men in my men’s group helped me to realize some of the causes of my explosive anger.

I have been on a journey the last seven years to build a peaceful center and I believe I have become a better father, husband and civic member because of it. I still like to get high when I go to a concert – I don’t know what it is about live music, but it seems to absorb further into me when I am not carrying the world with me. But, generally I am sober and I have much less dramatic mood changes when heavily exercised, eating clean and participating in some men’s work. I attend a yearly Mankind function that initiates new men into our group and I have built an extraordinary bond with several men that attend this function. It is a four day commitment in the woods at a group camp, where I am part of the Men of Service who create all the food for up to ninety men for four days. We work like dogs, but we also get together and form magical containers where we can help each other work on our inner selves. We share immense amounts of love for each other – we dance in the kitchen and we swim in the lake – the genuine connection resets us for the upcoming year and breathes life into our hearts.